Cancer Support Gear

Well, I’ve finally received all my cancer support gear.

The constant teal peeking out from my winter sleeve reminds me to pray, but it also reminds me of:

fear,

uncertainty,

the unwelcome foreign norm in my family’s life,

that is cancer.

I like the gear, but I kinda hate it at the same time. The plastic bracelets sometimes seem condescending to the voracious upheaval that is cancer... in my little sister. Such a scary combination of words. The gear seems to minimize this new reality. How can I explain the messy mix of shock, relief, anger, hope, and fear that momentarily fades everything else when I look at that teal poking out of my sleeve? The gear doesn’t do it justice. The bracelets are well-intentioned, I know, but are also cheap and flimsy. This disease is formidable. But then again, so is my sister. So is my God.

Like a schizophrenic, I go back and forth between the fearsome cry that chokes my throat when I look at these bracelets and the steely confidence that God is bigger, more powerful and mightier than cancer.

My teal bracelet reads “Kick Cancer for KB 23” while the other bracelet boasts the word “Believe” on a petite silver pendant. Despite my ever-changing associations, I am thankful for those who crafted these out of love and for what I know they are meant to represent.

Community.

Support.

Strength.

Faith.

I can’t help but notice that past all the bracelets sits my favorite James Avery sterling silver ring, depicting a simple cut-out cross. It is superior to the gear in its composition, tenure, and symbolism. It has rested on my finger for many years before cancer, and will likely outlive the teal plastic bracelet on my wrist. The ultimate restoration of our bodies and our souls was finished on the cross that this ring depicts.  Likewise, this "gear" reminds me that our ultimate hope and power lie in more than human support and strength, but in a God who graciously redeems every experience for good.

Cliché perhaps, but true.