Traversing this rocky ground of learning to love God for God’s sake and not for my sake is just that- ROCKY. I still love God most for what He does for me, for giving me purpose, deliverance, hope, fulfillment. And so, fulfillment has malignantly grown into an idol. Hunting and chasing, I'm leading myself astray. Sanctification has been confused with self-actualization.
There is more. The destination is not self-fulfillment, but a stance committed to loving God for who He is, even when this does not always produce the adventurous living I want. Do I want pulse-pounding discovery of new heights or quiet and deep satisfaction? Are these mutually exclusive?
Stalling, disillusionment and confusion have all marked this journey. This is new: loving God more than loving the refined me.
We are not meant to be illuminated versions, but the common stuff of ordinary life exhibiting the marvel of the grace of God. Drudgery is the touchstone of character. The great hindrance in spiritual life is that we will look for big things to do. "Jesus took a towel . . . and began to wash the disciples' feet."
There are times when there is no illumination and no thrill, but just the daily round, the common task. Routine is God's way of saving us between our times of inspiration. Do not expect God always to give you His thrilling minutes, but learn to live in the domain of drudgery by the power of God.
Oswald Chambers
June 15
My Utmost for His Highest
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