Breathe deep. This will be one long (and overdue) blog entry...
The last few weeks have continued and even heightened my persistent struggle against feeling ineffectual and aimless here. To be honest, this experience has proven very different from my expectations when I excitedly stared out my plane window on September 3rd. For many known and unknown reasons, class sizes for English were smaller this year and remarkably inconsistent. The ages, language abilities, and genders of students in all my classes except for my one Moroccan friend in conversation class didn't allow for building relationships outside of class. I have wrestled with God a lot, questioning the process of making the decision to come here, and demanding an answer to why He led me here. Hours of thought have been devoted to conjuring up various possibilities.
Maybe I came to understand people's needs here and pray for them. Perhaps I was led here to spend lots of uninterrupted time alone with God every morning up in my room. Maybe God brought me here to help me discern if the life of an international missionary is a life I could ever live in the future. Maybe I needed to learn how to "do" Arab/Muslim/inner city/international ministry. Perhaps I came to learn how to survive in a foreign country, or maybe it was important for me to refine my cooking skills.
Whatever the reason(s), I've come to some confident conclusions in the midst of these ponderings. First, God has taught me that childlike trust in Him and His leadership is more fulfilling than answering the persistent question why. Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever (Psalm 125:1). My confidence and strength are born in obeying and trusting in our steadfast Lord more than understanding all the answers.
Second, God has painfully crushed my tendency of finding my identity in work. I am separate from what I do. I am separate from what I produce. I am God's. Work is necessary and important. However, my identity is first in the idea of belonging to Him, of whose I am, instead of my attachment to people, titles, programs, and results. But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you..."Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine" (Isaiah 43:1).
Third, I've learned what it means to survive not by bread alone, but by every word of God. A favorite verse of many and for good reason, Philippians 4:6 has been ever present on my mind for the last few months. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Although some days it has been a forceful act of the will to do so, I have thanked God every morning for this place and this experience. My time here has not been bad, but certainly challenging and faith-producing. After giving thanks, I have presented many requests to God for the people in the Arab Church, for Janee and Hary, for myself, and for my students. God answered some of these prayers and responded to my cry to verbally share about Him with a yes this week.
Tuesday before my Level 2 English class, I spent some time talking to an older Muslim male student about Eid al-Adha, the "Festival of Sacrifice" that was to begin Friday. This holiday commemorates Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son Isaac as an act of obedience to God. Muslims celebrate by sacrificing a lamb and sharing the food with family, friends, and the poor, feasting for the following three days. My student, "B," was happy to share about the feast, and I was happy to learn. Our conversation led to me introducing him to the idea of Jesus as our sacrificial lamb who took away the sins of the world. Because many Muslims love to talk about religion, English class was gladly postponed, and the next hour and a half, Hary, myself, "B," and another Turkish Muslim student preceded to talk about Christianity and Islam. Having experienced multitudes of these types of conversations, Hary posed many good questions to these students about truths they claim in Islam but have not yet critically evaluated.
Class ended with these three men still talking and debating downstairs, while I began conversation class upstairs with my female Moroccan Muslim friend, "Y," and a new student, a female Christian Iraqi refugee who is an old friend of Hary's. Our conversation in this class proved just as interesting as we jumped from the political situation in Iraq to the situation of Muslim women around the world, from this Iraqi woman's experience hiding under tables while bomb sirens rang out into the night in war-torn Baghdad, to Christianity's call to treat others with grace because of God's grace towards us. I ended the night elated, so thankful that God had provided opportunities to speak candidly about who He is and what He has done with these students that I have genuinely come to know and love.
I have been praying that my conversations with "Y" about Christianity would become more personal rather than informational, and in a quick and obvious answer to my prayer, Thursday's conversation class was filled with such conversation. I was able to ask more about this woman's family, what would happen if she became a Christian, and the idea that in contrast to inheriting religion in Islam through your family, in Christianity, faith begins when we choose to believe what Jesus has done for us and commit to a life of following Him. Please pray for that conversation with "Y" to be continued, and even more personally next class or when we spend time together on Sunday. "Y" is very interested in diversity, tolerance, and understanding other religions. Because of this and a desire to meet Arab Christians, she wants to come to the Arab Church with me next Sunday. Pray that she would come, and that her general curiosity would develop into a personal one that leads her to investigate Jesus for herself.
God has met and answered me in remarkably obvious ways this week, and I am so thankful! The hours of studying Islam, Arabic culture, and French seem well worth it. Please continue to pray for courage, hope, joy, and peace for me in these last three weeks in Brussels. Please also pray for these students as they begin to wrestle with Jesus, and that this wrestling would lead to one day knowing them as Christian brothers and sisters.
When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted. Psalm 138:3
11.28.2009
11.15.2009
A Ministry Manifesto
I've been reading a lot of Paul lately. Have you heard of him? Authored half of the New Testament, missionary to many, and even served time for it. Ah yes, Paul.
Sometimes I forget he was a real person, and sometimes I catch myself adding my own little details to his life story. I picture him thoughtfully staring off into the distance, his head inquisitively turned slightly to the right, as he sails onward towards his next missionary destination. He smiles to himself as he remembers his friends throughout the empire that are thriving in new, flourishing home churches with too many members to count. He envisions the multitudes that have fallen on their faces before the Lord as a result of his ministry and confidently asks God for more, because naturally, he never ceases to pray.
For a few months now, I've been the missionary, and it's caused me to take some second looks at Paul. Who could better supply some helpful hints about this kind of life that I'm desperately trying to figure out?
Helpful Hint #1: Acknowledge the real deal. The valiant, calm pastor image I created in my head is probably not the reality of Paul's persona. Just because today we are privy to knowing the fruit of his ministry doesn't mean he could necessarily see it then, nor was he immune to disappointment along the way. Surely he felt despair when people and communities just didn't get it. With a fiery and fierce demeanor, he likely boiled with anger as he watched sin injure people and dishonor the name of God. For every individual who repented in order to follow The Way, there was likely another who rejected Paul's teaching as foolishness. He suffered disappointments in his ministry. And yet, God produced a growing first century church using Paul's efforts.
The more I experience church and ministry here, the more sentiments I think I share with Paul. I want to give the benefit of the doubt, but I also want to discover the truthful realities in people's lives here. Seeing brokenness is difficult, especially understanding the effects it wreaks on lives and successive generations. However, in order to tend to the brokenness, I've learned that we must first acknowledge the real deal of the situation. Often, the real deal is messy, ugly, and bleak. And we must question. What keeps individuals in the church from seeking growth? How can they complacently accept the emptiness of their current life? What kind of faith are men practicing if their wives can't tell the difference between their husbands as Muslims and now as Christians? How can women think faith is for men alone? Why bother with church and faith if it doesn't change your life? But we can't stop with questions and we can't accept the bleakness as the final word. We seek understanding only in order to herald the healing that comes through prayer, teaching, and the ministry of presence.
Helpful Hint #2: Build bridges. On a trip to Athens recorded in Acts 17, Paul exemplifies a concept Janee taught me my first week here as essential to Muslim ministry, and I think ministry in general. Although he was "greatly distressed to see that the city was full of idols," Paul finds common ground with these polytheists in order to then share the love of Christ with them. In fact, he openly spoke the truth in the synagogue and the marketplace, discussing and reasoning with whoever happened to be listening. He spoke the truth boldly enough to cause people to curiously ask for more. "May we know what this new teaching is that you are presenting? You are bringing some strange new ideas to our ears, and we want to know what they mean." Paul stands up before a meeting of thinkers, and begins hammering nails into a bridge of common understanding between their worldviews. "I see that in every way you are very religious," he says. "For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you." Paul continues to build a case for the one true God, but using their terminology. He emphasizes what they agree on and then moves onto the person of Christ and His resurrection. (Check out the end of the story in Acts 17:24-34).
Likewise, I'm learning and implementing this proclamation model for sharing the Gospel. Whether with my Muslim friend or with a youth at church, painstakingly constructing a bridge of shared belief is powerful. It builds a foundation of trust and respect, and creates a context into which the story of Jesus can most clearly enter.
And even then, Paul likely suffered some disappointment in the midst of what we would deem a ministry success. The result of his brilliant and relevant presentation was that "some of them sneered, but others said, 'We want to hear you again on this subject'... A few men became followers of Paul and believed." That's the real deal.
Helpful Hint #3: Adapt. As the beloved mentor of so many diverse congregations and as a dearly loved discipler and friend of many, it seems like Paul mastered this concept. "Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible... I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do this for the sake of the gospel." Whether it was becoming like Jews, Gentiles, or simply the weak, Paul understood the benefit of adapting the adaptable parts of his identity. Certainly there are fundamental features of our faith and uniqueness as our Father's children that we will refuse to touch, and rightly so, but for the rest, we must grip loosely.
I have and will continue to try adapt to the people and the world around me, if it means that somehow Christ looks better. I'm not a fan of organized group games. But, if it could lead to a richer community in our youth group that fosters honest discussion, I can enjoy a thumb war tournament or some fishbowl charades. Shopping wears me out and usually bores me to tears, but if that's my Muslim friend's suggestion for hanging out, shopping on Friday it is. I find dates and figs revolting, but if passing the bowl could impair a friendship or incur judgment that blocks one's sensitivity to God, then one or two never hurt anybody. In the end, becoming all things to all people becomes a lesson in freedom. Freedom can be found in such a self-emptying ideology. Jesus said so.
Sometimes I forget he was a real person, and sometimes I catch myself adding my own little details to his life story. I picture him thoughtfully staring off into the distance, his head inquisitively turned slightly to the right, as he sails onward towards his next missionary destination. He smiles to himself as he remembers his friends throughout the empire that are thriving in new, flourishing home churches with too many members to count. He envisions the multitudes that have fallen on their faces before the Lord as a result of his ministry and confidently asks God for more, because naturally, he never ceases to pray.
For a few months now, I've been the missionary, and it's caused me to take some second looks at Paul. Who could better supply some helpful hints about this kind of life that I'm desperately trying to figure out?
Helpful Hint #1: Acknowledge the real deal. The valiant, calm pastor image I created in my head is probably not the reality of Paul's persona. Just because today we are privy to knowing the fruit of his ministry doesn't mean he could necessarily see it then, nor was he immune to disappointment along the way. Surely he felt despair when people and communities just didn't get it. With a fiery and fierce demeanor, he likely boiled with anger as he watched sin injure people and dishonor the name of God. For every individual who repented in order to follow The Way, there was likely another who rejected Paul's teaching as foolishness. He suffered disappointments in his ministry. And yet, God produced a growing first century church using Paul's efforts.
The more I experience church and ministry here, the more sentiments I think I share with Paul. I want to give the benefit of the doubt, but I also want to discover the truthful realities in people's lives here. Seeing brokenness is difficult, especially understanding the effects it wreaks on lives and successive generations. However, in order to tend to the brokenness, I've learned that we must first acknowledge the real deal of the situation. Often, the real deal is messy, ugly, and bleak. And we must question. What keeps individuals in the church from seeking growth? How can they complacently accept the emptiness of their current life? What kind of faith are men practicing if their wives can't tell the difference between their husbands as Muslims and now as Christians? How can women think faith is for men alone? Why bother with church and faith if it doesn't change your life? But we can't stop with questions and we can't accept the bleakness as the final word. We seek understanding only in order to herald the healing that comes through prayer, teaching, and the ministry of presence.
Helpful Hint #2: Build bridges. On a trip to Athens recorded in Acts 17, Paul exemplifies a concept Janee taught me my first week here as essential to Muslim ministry, and I think ministry in general. Although he was "greatly distressed to see that the city was full of idols," Paul finds common ground with these polytheists in order to then share the love of Christ with them. In fact, he openly spoke the truth in the synagogue and the marketplace, discussing and reasoning with whoever happened to be listening. He spoke the truth boldly enough to cause people to curiously ask for more. "May we know what this new teaching is that you are presenting? You are bringing some strange new ideas to our ears, and we want to know what they mean." Paul stands up before a meeting of thinkers, and begins hammering nails into a bridge of common understanding between their worldviews. "I see that in every way you are very religious," he says. "For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you." Paul continues to build a case for the one true God, but using their terminology. He emphasizes what they agree on and then moves onto the person of Christ and His resurrection. (Check out the end of the story in Acts 17:24-34).
Likewise, I'm learning and implementing this proclamation model for sharing the Gospel. Whether with my Muslim friend or with a youth at church, painstakingly constructing a bridge of shared belief is powerful. It builds a foundation of trust and respect, and creates a context into which the story of Jesus can most clearly enter.
And even then, Paul likely suffered some disappointment in the midst of what we would deem a ministry success. The result of his brilliant and relevant presentation was that "some of them sneered, but others said, 'We want to hear you again on this subject'... A few men became followers of Paul and believed." That's the real deal.
Helpful Hint #3: Adapt. As the beloved mentor of so many diverse congregations and as a dearly loved discipler and friend of many, it seems like Paul mastered this concept. "Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible... I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do this for the sake of the gospel." Whether it was becoming like Jews, Gentiles, or simply the weak, Paul understood the benefit of adapting the adaptable parts of his identity. Certainly there are fundamental features of our faith and uniqueness as our Father's children that we will refuse to touch, and rightly so, but for the rest, we must grip loosely.
I have and will continue to try adapt to the people and the world around me, if it means that somehow Christ looks better. I'm not a fan of organized group games. But, if it could lead to a richer community in our youth group that fosters honest discussion, I can enjoy a thumb war tournament or some fishbowl charades. Shopping wears me out and usually bores me to tears, but if that's my Muslim friend's suggestion for hanging out, shopping on Friday it is. I find dates and figs revolting, but if passing the bowl could impair a friendship or incur judgment that blocks one's sensitivity to God, then one or two never hurt anybody. In the end, becoming all things to all people becomes a lesson in freedom. Freedom can be found in such a self-emptying ideology. Jesus said so.
11.07.2009
Weeks in Review
Now that I've experienced some "normal" weeks here in Brussels, I thought I'd fill you in on what I've been up to here instead of just my musings for the day. In an ironic twist from my last blog post about learning to be rather than filling my schedule with things to do, here are some brief snippets of what I've done over the last few weeks:
-embarked on a dumpster diving adventure to IKEA for giant boxes to be used to create scenery for the youth's Christmas play (that were then transported across the city via metro)
-visited an Italian widow from our church in her home, studied the Bible with her, and prayed with her
-helped a mother in the church host the youth for a weekend at her house to celebrate her son's 15th birthday
-studied English Church History with Janee in preparation for our trip to LONDON on Tuesday!!
-fed multitudes of homeless men, women, and children under a bridge in the center of the city
-spent the day with an Arab family, visited a farm, and learned how to make cheese from freshly pumped cow's milk
-learned how to correctly use the words "some" and "any" thanks to teaching Level 2 English
-concluded a study on a book called Honor And Shame by Roland Muller
-visited my Moroccan friend from my conversation "class," for her lunch break from work at the European Union
-traveled to Iran for the day by dressing as an Iranian woman, listening to Iranian radio, making Iranian food with Janee and Hary, and then praying together for the people of Iran
-prepped my English classes for their midterm exams last week
-hosted the youth for a "lock-in" type weekend at our apartment, which involved games, fall-inspired fun, teaching and singing French worship songs, and kicking off our semester purity study
-prayed with a Syrian woman from church and let her teach me how to spell my name in Arabic
-learned to make tortillas, Navajo flatbread, and a delicious feast all from scratch for a dinner party with 4 Arab couples
-continued the second installment of our purity study with the youth group at our usual every-other Friday night gathering
Below are some pictures for your viewing pleasure.
-embarked on a dumpster diving adventure to IKEA for giant boxes to be used to create scenery for the youth's Christmas play (that were then transported across the city via metro)
-visited an Italian widow from our church in her home, studied the Bible with her, and prayed with her
-helped a mother in the church host the youth for a weekend at her house to celebrate her son's 15th birthday
-studied English Church History with Janee in preparation for our trip to LONDON on Tuesday!!
-fed multitudes of homeless men, women, and children under a bridge in the center of the city
-spent the day with an Arab family, visited a farm, and learned how to make cheese from freshly pumped cow's milk
-learned how to correctly use the words "some" and "any" thanks to teaching Level 2 English
-concluded a study on a book called Honor And Shame by Roland Muller
-visited my Moroccan friend from my conversation "class," for her lunch break from work at the European Union
-traveled to Iran for the day by dressing as an Iranian woman, listening to Iranian radio, making Iranian food with Janee and Hary, and then praying together for the people of Iran
-prepped my English classes for their midterm exams last week
-hosted the youth for a "lock-in" type weekend at our apartment, which involved games, fall-inspired fun, teaching and singing French worship songs, and kicking off our semester purity study
-prayed with a Syrian woman from church and let her teach me how to spell my name in Arabic
-learned to make tortillas, Navajo flatbread, and a delicious feast all from scratch for a dinner party with 4 Arab couples
-continued the second installment of our purity study with the youth group at our usual every-other Friday night gathering
Below are some pictures for your viewing pleasure.
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