To Be

On one of the first days of English class, I taught my Level 1 students how to conjugate the verb "to be." I emphatically stressed that this was the most important word in the English language. You really can't say much without understanding this word. Imagine any conversation in English. Simple or complicated, this verb is essential. Hi, my name is Claire. I am from America. How are you?

Four weeks after the start of English classes, I'm starting to understand the importance of this "being" idea. I'm learning what it means to exist and the value in simply bearing God's likeness as I do so. The verb "do" has never given me any trouble. I get that. I've always been an exceptional "do-er." I happily worked all day most Saturdays during high school, and scheduled my days at college from morning until long past the sun had set. I can write Bible studies, lead meetings, and plan programs, no problem. I like doing. Being busy with a long to-do list in hand gives me an adrenaline rush. But when it comes time to stop doing and start being, I feel lost. I feel aimless. It makes me uncomfortable.

Not so for many other cultures on this earth. Europeans sit for hours at cafes. Perhaps they are involved in a fascinating conversation with a friend, or maybe they are watching people pass on the street. The content of this time usually isn't the point. Arab culture certainly understands the idea of being as well. It seems difficult to meet someone for coffee or tea for less than a couple hours. Church members arrive starting an hour before the service on Sunday, and stay at least an hour after. When things need to get done, they are accomplished, but only the essentials: cooking, eating, cleaning, constructing. The American mentality of back-to-back scheduled events doesn't apply here.

This week God let me have a small revelation into what He wants from me here. I think He wants to break me, and eight weeks in, I'm finally yielding to that breaking process.

God is breaking me of my preference for doing, and teaching me the more foundational idea of being. I'm learning to be with Him, really be with Him, as I sit and talk to Him in the mornings, imagining Him sitting beside me. I'm learning to be with Him as I seek His strength instead of finding satisfaction in the tangible results of my labor. I'm learning to be with the youth rather than merely accomplishing tasks and objective goals with them. Instead of just scheduling visits with women from the church into my daily calendar, I'm learning to be present with them as we drink coffee and pray together.

I have this mental image of God as a lumberjack, chopping away at my workaholic mindset. I'm not sure what the ideal balance is between doing and being as we walk through life, but God has set me down on a painstaking path of discovery to find out.